Ripening

Oh my god, why do I suck?

I've had a REALLY difficult time blogging lately and I don't know if I have any real excuses/reasons, except for the fact that even though I still only teach once a week, I've been mad busy lately. I'm working on a couple of important (to me) writing projects and I have to say that it's crucial for me to put that energy into those projects when I have it. I've also had some company lately (my mum) and will have more company soon (my sister and squishy nephew) and have been going to the gym a lot and trying to clean the bathroom and dropping my phone one too many times and just generally being awesome.

I think it's the curse of the To Do List. I've started putting down things like, Get Up and Shower and Feed The Cat, because it's just oh so satisfying to check things off a To Do List. I've also been reading a lot lately and have been going back and forth between three novels, (Holding Still For as Long as Possible by Zoe Whittall, The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb and February by Lisa Moore) each of which are satisfying for different reasons.

So, anyway, yeah. I have about 10 6FU related blog posts that I've started but can't seem to get the inspiration to finish. I also really need to get back to the major job hunt. You know, the one where I go from business to business and try to look desperately pathetic enough so that someone will hire me for $10 an hour.

This is the tricky part about being mostly unemployed for several months. You get used to it. You learn to enjoy and the panic slowly seeps away. You forget that jobs equal respect and dignity and you ignore the fact that you ever thought you needed those things from society anyway. And if you're an artist of some sort, you spend time working on your craft and suddenly you realize that you can easily fill up the days and feel completely satisfied with your life. Possibly for the first time ever.

I sort of feel like Claire in this really ridiculous scene with Ruth. She's being such a little spoiled brat right here, but I kinda feel it. All she wants to do is go to Spain with Billy and 'ripen' (most hilarious bullshit phrase ever), and all I really want to do is stay in Toronto and work on my writing projects and never ever EVER have to work for a mere $10 an hour at some shit service or retail job again. So I'm feeling kind of like a spoiled baby these days.

Every Day Above Ground Is A Good One

I've been sick this week....

Why am I always getting sick? It feels like this happens every month these days. I also had a few frustrating rejections in my writing world, though I was pretty out of it with my neo-citran high, so I don't really even remember much of the pain of that.

This is going to be a bit of a gummy post. I feel strange every day. There seems to be a lot of huge, potentially life-altering decisions that I need to make soon and I'd rather just cocoon up and dig a little hole inside my head to climb into. Or out of. Or something.

It's been raining in Toronto. A good time to snuggle in bed with loved ones. If you aren't too irritated with your loved ones, that is. Or if you aren't so frustrated with yourself that your loved ones seem particularly out of reach.

There is something about isolation that both feeds me and makes me a bit mad. Crazy mad.

Cacophony

Yes, it's been a few weeks.

There are no real excuses here, but I did have some issues that needed to get cleared up with my new teaching job, and then I began prepping, which of course filled me with anxiety until I was actually IN the classroom. High school students are kind of terrifying. Luckily I have a fairly good poker face (I practiced that face on friday night while playing actual poker) and I don't think they noticed how nervous I really was.

This weekend I went to an incredible art show at the CNE. My cousin was working there and got me a complimentary ticket (Thanks H!). Of course, when she said art show, I was picturing it in Saskatoon terms. A nice sized gallery with maybe a dozen artists. I suggested I would come towards the end of her shift and we could walk around for an hour and then go get some sushi. I got to the Queen Elizabeth building at the CNE and just about fainted. HUNDREDS OF ARTISTS were showing their work at this show, displaying practically every possibly medium. There was installation, photography, painting, drawing, sculpture, blown glass, mixed media, digital art, etc etc. It was fucking amazing.

I pretty much had a panic attack as soon as I walked in. And, as if I couldn't have been more overwhelmed, the first artist's work I walked up to look at was none other than the fabulously talented Beverly Hawksley....Hawksley Workman's own mother. For those of you who read this blog who know me well, you know what this would've done for my existence. I was completely star struck. I introduced myself and we chatted for a few minutes. She's a very kind and down to earth person and while I babbled on about how much I worship her son (possibly mentioning at some point that I plan on having his babies....), she said sweetly, 'that's so good to hear, I will pass that message on to him'. Of course her work is stunning. Some of it is printed in Hawksley Workman's book, Hawksley Burns for Isadora.

Anyway, it was basically amazing for me. Here are some Hawksley Workman videos for your viewing pleasure:








And here is my all time favourite HW song:



Cacophony: best word ever.

How does all of this come back to 6FU? One might think it doesn't, but it does. Seriously, how could it not? 6FU has some fabulous songs written and recorded by some fabulous bands/musicians throughout the series, including but not limited to: Arcade Fire, PJ Harvey, Cold Play, Nina Simone, Jem, Sia, Radiohead, Interpol, Death Cab For Cutie, Lamb, and Zero 7. And let's not forget about the great Thomas Newman. There is also a rather large artistic theme running through the series. We have Billy (played by Jeremy Sisto), Brenda's scitzophrentic brother, a photographer and a loose cannon when off his meds. And, of course, Claire, who's artwork and artistic desire (as well as her desire to seek a place among the misfits of her world) features prominately in her story arc on the show, and includes friends and lovers who attend art school with her. Then we have Olivier Castro-Staal, Claire's indignant and self-absorbed art teacher who deflowers her boyfriend Russel's (Ben Foster) gay virginity and then looks Claire in the face and says, 'what a baby...just because I fucked your boyfriend. Real pain is what you need."

But it's not just the characters and their lives. The show itself is a work of art. The shots, the lighting, the sets. Even HBO itself shows its commitment to its artistic vision by these innovative promos they did for each 6FU season:

Season 2 Promo:


Season 3 Promo:


Season 4 Promo:


Season 5 Promo:


Stunning, right? Each one gives teeny tiny hints to what will be coming up in the next season. What a way to advertise for a show. Soon, I'll be looking in more detail at Claire's artwork throughout the show, possibly posting some of my own humble photographs.

I think it's rare to find a show that is well written, incredibly well acted and visually stunning. Perhaps that's why I feel so fulfilled while watching 6FU. All of my senses are completely satisfied. Well, except perhaps touch and taste. But I'm usually eating tasty food while I watch the show. And I'm likely holding the hand of a dear friend.