January is Whacked

So I've completely lost track of where I am and where I wanted to go since I got sick this past week and my dad came into town from Saskatoon and my partner had his birthday and it just seemed like there was a LOT going on around here. A lot for someone who's unemployed....well, almost unemployed. I've been lucky enough to land a contract position with Descant Magazine's S.W.A.T. program (Students, Writers and Teachers). They place writers in high schools around Toronto to be Writer-in-Residences and run writing workshops for the students. Totally my dream job and anything else I end up having to do for money wouldn't even phase me at this point. In fact, I have an interview at Blockbuster of all places, and I don't even care. I'm just thrilled that my education and my book have placed me on a slightly higher rung on the career ladder than I was a couple of months ago.

I've been wanting to do a debriefing of the memorial service I went to last weekend, though I'm wishing I had done it earlier as my mind has been clouded with other things since. Mostly I wanted to talk about how amazing it was and how deeply I was touched by the event. I went there knowing very little about this person and left feeling like I got to know him. The truth is though, there isn't much more to say. It was beautiful and moving and I don't know how I feel about talking about it on my death blog. I just don't know if it's my place to talk about this because I was really an observer. But in some strange way I was a participator as well. I wanted to be there, just didn't want to overstep my bounds. Anyway, I simply feel lucky to have been there.

January is basically whacked. It's the 31st day today and I'm just so happy this month is almost over. I feel like it's been a struggle from day one, fighting against myself and my world around things like work and money. January is the kind of month where everything goes wrong. Plumbing in the house backs up. You bounce cheques. The milk goes bad before the expiry date. You get sick with one cold, it goes away for a few blissful days and then a new one takes its place. January is the month of waiting. You wait to find out about the program you applied for, the contest you entered, whether or not your life is going to change. You make resolutions and you break them before the month is over. You hurl yourself through the days with your face against the painful knife-cutting wind of reality. At least three more months of winter are looming ahead of us, Christmas and its warmth and joy is over and what we really need to do is drink as much hot chocolate as possible, curl up on a couch (if you have one) and nap the month away. Put your head down and go forward as far into the future as you can make yourself. Pass the month by as quickly as you can.